My longest post yet to be.
Warning:
You are cautioned that strong language maybe used in this post. read on at ur own risk. 
By reading this post, you are not to hold me responsible for what i wrote.
I decided to blog about this to hit back at what has hit me before. Close friends would know what happen. and this happens to be a more detailed account. from the start to the end. lol. it seems I can publish a small journal soon at this rate that i am writing. lol. Happy reading, and don’t you worry, I am perfectly alright. 
To the someone who has sealed the grave in my heart, the someone who always claim I love you all this while, and to the same someone who thinks, do we have a chance in the future.
The answer to you is, NO! Never in this lifetime our paths may cross once again, and never in this lifetime i will give you another chance. What you did is outrageous. That is in my opinion. Only guys like you are that sick to do all this type of things. To me, you have already died on 1st November 2006. Instead of grieving at the breakup, I find myself liberated, no longer bonded to the shackles of neverending paranoia you have caused. I was hurt no doubt, but whatever you did next angered me. Not just me. My family, my friends.
I admit, its been a good 3 1/2 years since we known each other. our shy eyes met when we were in a common workplace. u are 10 years my senior, and of a different race. i never minded the differences we have, cos i believe we can work it out somehow. People stared at us when we were dating, i never cared one bit about that, to me, the most important thing was u. Things went well for quite sometime, and from then on, it went all haywire.
We date like any couples do, shopping, eating, playing, or just doing things that would make us both happy. I enjoyed ur company, I enjoyed just being with you. In fact, just spending time doing nothing but talk is also sheer joy. But alas, the cracks surfaced. And these cracks never mend.
Ever since I entered polytechnic, you were freak worried about me being with so many boys. (Engineering schools have more boys than girls). You were afraid some guy would woo me, and I would leave you. You were paranoid. You asked me to stay away from them, but I won’t, because i see them as friends. I tried assuring you, but you won’t believe it. When i joined track and field as an eca, you scorned at my choice. saying that i shouldn’t do such strenuous exercise. Upon my insistence, you kept quiet and gave in to me. I just want to be more extroverted, as i am sick of what took place when i was in secondary school. Is that a crime ? lol. to u it is, to me, its perfectly normal. You scared I will become darker, and you dun like very dark skinned girls.
Funny thing is, I kept long hair just for you. You said you like it. When it got a bit too long for my liking, i went for a trim, and you were not happy. Did you expect me to keep my hair all the way and not cut it ? OMG. In this hot and humid climate, I will die. Not to mention that each time I train under the hot sun, I have to tie up my hair, for fear it interferes with my training.
I appreciated that you always make time to meet me, spend time with me, helping me with my homework, providing me advice to problems, bringing me to enjoy good food etc… You showered me with gifts that I never ask for. Although I like to admire jewellery, I never, and never will, pester people to buy for me. Let me make that point very clear. I was never materialistic. You are. i never complained that its a tad too little. I was contented.
You claim to do alot of things for my sake, I appreciate it, thank you very much. But do you know that most of this things are so ridiculous that it almost robbed my chance of living a normal and proper teenagehood like everyone else ? All because you say you wanted to protect me. For your information, Singapore streets are very safe, and even when i reach home at night of 9.30 pm after a long day at school, its still very bright. Instead, you wanted me home by 7 pm, which is totally impossible, given my active eca. I reasoned with you, you on the other hand, refuse to listen. The reason you gave is absurd. (Its a bit too much for me to write about the reason here, ask me and i will tell you)
I laughed, I really laughed at the stupidity of the reason. Please, look at me, am i dressing provocatively ? even wearing sleeveless tee also wrong? oh my god. Wearing skirts to school will raise nags from you, wearing sleeveless tee will raise scoldings from you. Because I was so in love with you, I listened to you. My friends knew I was blinded by love. (thinking back, i felt so stupid. like a stupid dumb dumb). (and today, i laugh at this stupidity). LOL.
Every week, I make time to spend it with you, even when my parents were not told that we are together. You wanted more, but thats the best I can do.
I remember all the good times we had. the times you tried creating my birthday surprise, the times where we cook a simple meal in the house, the times where we could go shopping etc… I remember you built a custom PC for me, completed with everything… I appreciated it… memories are kept with me.
You felt so inferior to me. No doubt my education qualifications are higher than yours, but I never minded it. It never cross my mind about that.
It still horrifies me that you gave me this ultimatium. Either I remain slim for the rest of my life or you will leave me. I was shocked beyond words. What if I can’t mantain the weight ? What happens when i have kids ? OMG.
I remember the time you kept bringing up the idea of getting engaged. and THANK heavens, I din agree to it. I know you are not young anymore. But I am. I am not in a hurry to get married. not to mention engagement. Urgh.
You are happy I made it to University. Everyone is happy for me. But alas, with that news, you became even more paranoid. You were against me staying in hostel, fearing things will happen this and that. Is this how little faith and trust you have in me? In the end, I din apply, so as not to make u unhappy.
Things never went well.. You started to doubt whether I am seeing someone else, after you hear tales of how ur friend’s gf strayed but went back to him afterwards. By then I am already in university. Why din you trust me?
I hated you, and i am sick and tired of all your paranoia, no matter what i try to do, you are never convinced that i can survive on my own. You protected me too much. You are too possessive. From then on, the relationship has died. I felt no more love towards you. I felt that it has died. Because it takes two to walk together in a relationship. Not just me alone. I intend to break the news to you after you finish your private studies exams.
But alas, on 1st Nov, we had a huge row, and thats when we broke up. I initiated it. I spoke it face to face. You were surprisingly calm. I smell something fishy. Cos that is so unlike you. I am so damn right. Because what came next, broke my heart, and upset everyone else around me. Funny, how i have a maths exam to sit for on 14th of nov.
Moments after we broke up… You called. you demanded that i return to you everything you gave to me. else you would call the police and say that i stole all of that from you. =.= what the hell… fine, you want them all right? I give it back to you. I dun give a damn of these things, since you want the materials back. So be it. And so I packed and packed. Spent one whole damn day packing. My dad said nothing. Mum try to be nice. I was heartbroken but put on a brave front anyway. But later I cried.
You called and called. I refuse to listen to what you had to say. You said I played with your feelings, which is totally untrue. I love you till the day the relationship died. You beg me to forgive you, for doing all these to me, taking all the things back… for what? I thought, once you give things to pple, you dun take it back. Now all my friends who heard that were shocked too.
In one of the phone calls, you said, you hope that i will give u a second chance in the near future, and in another one, u said that u hope i rot in hell and i am nth but a heartbreaker. and that you are going to tell the whole world that I am the evil person. oh come on, whose who we all know. contradicting eh… first lambast me and say that i am nth but evil, then come and beg me for forgiveness and chance ? wt the hell ? By then, my heart was too cold to be moved by all this. numb by the packing.
After that, I deleted all your photos in my computer. I could have defaced your photo. but i am too nice. lol.
I packed and packed. hmm, lets see what i returned to you… watches, clothes, computer minus the motherboard, cos i paid for it, trinkets, soft toys, figurines, jewellery… and all the what not… bags, and stuff… end up so many bags. lol. And then you return everything of what i gave to you. I laugh when I receive the package. I weren’t at home when he came to pick up all that, was in school mugging. and refusing to see you. I was so heartbroken, I cried. For the first time, I broke down and cried.
My friends are there for me, and i got loads of support. I feel guilty, dragging my mum into it. it was so close to her birthday. I love you loads mum, for standing by me. Even my sis. =) thanks~ One of my friends wanna beat him up. Whats the point ?
He freak my sis by sending some sms. that totally doesn’t make sense. He sms like crazy to my phone. I din bother to reply. Its all over. I dun wish to hang on to a relationship that died. I would still be friends with him had he not done all these things to me. but sorry, he did. and dun even mention about the possibilty of friends. NO way. Take all my things away and then come and tell me ” I am sorry, will you forgive me and lets be friends ?” Shit man, this is so not gonna happen.
Haha… and yes, he did not bother me till my exams are over. After that, he sms and ask to meet, and that to pass him the things i owe him like… birthday cards and some misc stuff. I really want to faint. hahaha… Mum agreed to accompany me. but prior to that… I was still keeping my long hair. So… u could have guessed it, I went to snip it all off to spite him.
Imagine the look on his face…haha…priceless man… I return the things to him and without saying a word I went back upstairs. Mum was on her way to do groceries. After she came back, she told me what she heard. He asked her to ask me if I could give him a second chance. Because he still love me. haha, after saying all the nasty things and deeds, you still want me to go back to you ? sorry.. I cant do that. Ypu think saying I LOVE YOU can bring everything back to normal? No way… Over my dead body.
Till today, I don’t give care of what happen to you. Neither do I want to know. I can only wish you well and may you find the right girl of ur dreams.
Haha… guess this is a super duper long post. Now you know what has happened to me before. And all i have to say, dun ever be posessive of your partner. The only thing that will come out it will only hurt him/her.
The Gal
Nicole
Spank the Monkey
Boomshine
Stick-Click
Feedback