Two pathetic more days and its time to say goodbye 2005 and hello 2006~! this year has been a watershed year for me, with good…bad…and somewhat ugly incidents… hmm maybe i should start filling u guys in… haha…

by January 2005, started on my last semester of diploma in TP… toughest moment of the year, reports to finish, FYP project to touch up, and juggling the never-ending tutorials and books… ok not to mention projects… and more presentations… nevertheless enjoyed myself ever than before…despite all that business… still got time to go dating with my EX (will elaborate later).

February 2005, marks the phrase of preparation for uni studies, decided to file application for NTU and NUS…both opting for computer science degrees and nothing else… Risky move, cos I am risking it all just to secure a place there, its IN or OUT… waiting game begins….

March 2005, exams…. spend 2 weeks preparing like crazy for 2 papers… coincidentally, found a good study group to hang out with, as well as to mug…mug and more mugging…

April 2005, Officially graduated… slacking and looking for job… then snagged a job. my ex, (W) not happy… thinks i should help (W) with is studies than working part time… I wanted to earn extra cash… to fund my wardrobe makeover… XD not easy earning money, i realise…nevertheless it was a good and humbling experience… it taught me to be more street-wise… Split up for the first time… Jumped to conclusion I am seeing another guy and wanna dump him… he beg for chance… i relented and patch with him… he treat me nice nice…

May ~ July 2005…. Still working… its tormenting to wait for the acceptance letter from the Uni’S… NUS sent a thank-you-but-sorry letter, so crushed and upset… starts to worry and fret over NTU… then… 3 days before the closing period of acceptance, NTU letter came… One word of Congratulations and the rest is history… I am IN~!!! So happy… but alas, some of my friends not able to make it… Feel sad also… >< I guess I made it thru luck, as well as my results... like i said, my risks paid off...

July was the time I quitted my job, went for wardrobe makeover... Bought new clothes...shoes... and getting ready for the graduation ceremony and the QET for NTU... so exciting... (W) was proud of me that I made it to uni... My parents and (W) went to my grad ceremony, so happy... and blessed... life was good... really good... then it came all crashing down soon after...

August 2005... School started in NTU and really juggling my time travelling to school, lessons, eca and my relationship... (W) was not too happy with me reaching home late... tried to explain to him, to no avail... that month was one of my happiest, (W) and my family celebrated my 20th bdae for me... also got my first laptop... that (W) not hapy also... he felt i dun need it... but I needed the laptop no matter what... (W) gave in...but still not happy... (W) dun understand at all... WHY~? (W) said i always end up getting things i dun need... >< A laptop proof so useful... especially in school... I felt my life being so controlled... i felt so torn... joined ACM SIGGRAPH NTU Student Chapter... was very drawn by the interest of 3d and animation... went for a screening... got to know more pple... social circle widened...

September 2005, helped out in Adobe Photoshop Course... as well as embark on a Cinema4d workshop for 4 Saturdays... (W) not happy to learn abt that either... nothing much i can say... i simply shut up.. too tired to argue with him anymore... or to reason with him... to hell with s(W) for running my life... I ahev my own life to live..thanks very much... started to dread (W) messages... (W) in and out of msia... no time to meet with (W) so often also... messages also decline... when (W) came in, we go makan, window shop...nothing much....sense (W) kept alot of things from me... when i probe also dun want to say...

Only told me that his friend gf dump him...for another guy... and that she was materialistic and not a good girl etc... then went to see the priest for (W)...priest said (W) will never make it to uni... how true.. i dunno.... then his fen gf return to him...he so happy... (W) said she change for the better...

time flew...things stagnate after the religion issue incident... (W) ask me causally what religion i belong to... having no religion, i replied: "Free-thinker" (W) was so shocked and jumped to conclusion that I was under the influence of my friends... and added they influenced me.... Excuse me.. I am under no influence to be a free thinker... I dun have any religion... thats the fact... (W) want to convert me to Japanese Buddhism... which i have no wish to... (DISCLAIMER: NOT being bias againse any religion... )

(W) din believe me, and seeked clarification from my mum... can tell (W) not happy... but (W) shut up after my mum confirmed tat i am a free-thinker... wat the hell is wrong... tsk tsk...

october came and went.... things really dun go smoothly anymore... thought really hard... i dun feel i can save the rship... i am not happy.... at all... i decided to end it...after he finished his exams... meantime i din message him or call him much liao... just said i very busy... and that (W) said its ok... and that i am too busy for him... WTH... again, jump to conclusion... i so fed up le...

everything exploded on 1st November 2005 ..of all days... preparing for my maths paper... (W) demanded to know why I am so quiet... and sensed that I want to leave him... (W) provoke me... so met up and told it straight to (W) face... was surprised (W) took it well... i thought its really over...but sumthing tell me, its not yet... next few days was torture... demanded ALL of my things that was given to me from (W). including my beloved PC.... spent 1 whole day packing... left me so dis-illusioned about guys... and was quite bitter abt it... feel very upset and heart broken le... say I rob and hurt pple feelings... make use of pple... totally untrue... i feel so hurt... (W) go around telling pple i dump him...i cheated him... i broke his heart...in short, i the villian, he the victim... i was so incensed...not only me... my mum also...

He wants all, I return all... and sever all ties with him, no way i will go back to him in the future... not my this entire life and the rest of my future lives... heart felt so stoned...broken into uncountable pieces...with the examination date drawing closer and closer... whole world sort of crumbled...

as i packed and packed... i felt nth for him...as if my heart is dead... and never i imagine beyond my wildest dreams... got such a guy demand back all these things... god knows wat he wanna do with it... anyway... my mum also upset..cos it was near her bdae... she also worried my exams affected...

He called, sms me all the time..till i was pretty afraid of my phone... said a lot of hurting things... in the end always say sorry he din mean it... ask for forgiveness yet still say =.=||| very bo liao... i was so disturbed by the messages... mum help me alot... by saying him till he tak boleh tahan liao... he also say i affected his will to concentrate on exams... sian... u provoke me first de ma...

after that, thanks to my friends, manage to pick myself up and concentrate on exams... after exams then go heal my wounds... credits to hendri helping me along with my maths... without u i sure have ta bao the subj liao....

then he went back to msia and come in again... before he went off, he asked if i wuld change my mind... i din answer... then he request to meet me a last time to return the remaining things i gave to him and vice versa... so fine lor... that day came... it was after my exams liao... i snipped my hair off within days i broke up... heck those long hair... i keot it for him...now he is gone from my life... cut and start life afresh... u dunno how shiok i felt as the hair fell to the ground in the hair dresser...

friends like my new hair style... feel so good... he saw me with my new haircut and was super shocked... he told my mum he sad and disappointed i cut my hair... he hopes i return to him someday... sorry... no way... he has hurt me too much already...

November ended with a bang, with the invitation to be poster girl for my own poly ^^ for the NTU poly admissions... experience is so fun....

December 2005... busied myself...loads of happening... u have been reading them... so its like needless to write them here...

The Gal
Nicole