Lately, many thoughts surfaced, some of which are pleasant, while others served to be being destructive to my soul. As they say, shit happens, and its on some of these days where it becomes a little harder to rein in those thoughts and have it dumped somewhere else.

I don’t know where to begin looking at the long and tough journey that I been through, much less pen it down on this blog. Though this deed has to be done someday, somehow because it is what I went through, and no amount of intended forgetfulness would drown this memory into the depths of a black hole.

I have many to thank… to God, Family, Boyfriend, Friends… for they have been understanding, caring, loving and always looking out for me. It would have been way tougher without them.

At times, its overwhelming to handle all that load of emotions, but on the flip side, it tells me that I’m being only human, and experiencing a whole spectrum of emotions may not always be a bad thing, at least, I would understand and experience what it feels like, and how I’m reacting to it. At the end of it, I walk out knowing myself a little better each time.

Each time, I look at the skies and smiled. Sounds crazy? Perhaps. That’s just me – giving my thanks silently to Him.

Nicole

Life is unpredictable.

I never imagined I would someday step upon the path to be a social worker… and that was like a year or two back then. Fast forward today, I am now working in a Voluntary Welfare Organization (VWO), reaching out to families with children in special needs.

It is a humbling journey thus far, learning something new every time I go about in my work daily, and learning to best manage work and leisure without feeling burnt out. Now that, is something I never manage to achieve in my past jobs.

Its not a bed of roses in this never-ending journey, for I am still finding my bearings and learning the knowledge and skills needed in this line of work. One thing is for sure, my perception towards life has taken a whole new meaning entirely.

Nicole

It has been a crazy whirl of an emotional ride.

Perhaps the decision to leaving my job was the best present I ever gave to myself. Sure, the lack of income can be frustrating at times, but more importantly, it has given me room to grow, to recover and to love myself even better… The long break has done a lot of wonders for me, and I’m feel ready to embark on the next chapter in April 2012.

I found that I have many things that awaits my attention, and tearing myself away from all the unhappy past works better in my favor, not to mention that I’ve also found things that I love doing. That, to me, is sheer joy. To friends who know of my next move, thank you for your care and concern, and for sharing my joy. To those who don’t, you’re most welcome to ask, with an open mind…

Its almost surreal, to be able to wake up with a rush of joy and contentment, and not feeling the burden… ah, the carefree moments of life… and it’s also the most humbling and eye-opening life lessons learnt ever.

I thought I might just give you a quick low down on what I’ve been up to…as I prepare the blog posts to be published.

It’s been pretty happening, with job interviews to attend, as well as attending events, dinners, and busy occupying myself with plenty of handicraft work or just having taking time off to be alone. Its pretty much therapeutic, and not to mention that it helps my mental well-being very much.

Although things are still working itself out thus far, I am very grateful for the well-wishes and supportive family and friends around me.

I’m still smiling, and I’ve never been this happy.

Ok, I shall keep this piece short as I’ve photographs to work on, as well as getting the blog posts together!

With love,
Nicole

The Vow
By Malcolm O. Varner

No matter how deep the sadness or wide the pain,
I vow to live for a brighter day will come again.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made in the past,
I vow to live and in the future avoid them, surefooted and fast.

No matter how many tragedies beyond my control take place,
I vow to live and stay my course within this race.

No matter how poor or rich I may ever be,
I vow to live and aspire to search for the dignity in simplicity.

No matter how much a lover may pierce the inner core of my heart,
I vow to live for like spring I’ll get a new start.

No matter how isolated and alone I may feel,
I vow to live and do something for someone else to heal.

No matter how hopeless my situation my appear,
I vow to live and reflect until my viewpoint is clear.

No matter what happens in this life – good or bad
I vow to live, do my best, and just for living – be glad.

It resonates well within me, and having an extended period of time to rest also allows me to redefine certain fundamentals that I hold so dear to. It’s amazing isn’t it, that life can be seen from so many different perspectives, and that even in the most hopeless situation, there is a glimmer of hope.

With love,
Nicole

Wondering if there are any readers still reading my blog… since I went missing in action for quite a while…

Right now, I’m taking a break from work and is in the midst of job hunting. Truth be told, I am quite enjoying my break, as this gives me more time to think things through and figuring out the next step. Not to mention that the amount of time that I have on my hands these days!

I would say, there are pros and cons of being unemployed… that said, I should just keep working on my long term plans.

Oh yes, I have yet to scribble down my thoughts on some stuff, as well as my Chiang Mai trip with the boyfriend. Stay tuned!

With love,
Nicole

PS: It would be great if you, my dear reader, could leave me a comment or holler! Would appreciate it, as this would give me even more motivation to continue blogging here.

I just came back from taking Angel to the vet for her annual checkup and vaccination. Well, it’s my first visit to the vet, and quite amazed at seeing the type of dogs and cats others keep. Angel is M’s cat, but I treat her like mine. My folks do not allow me to bring a cat home, or I would have done that eons ago.

As of right now, I think everything is getting back on track slowly, and I am very thankful and happy about it. Only time will tell, but I guess things are in a good start for now. I realized that there are small and subtle changes in my life, that’s making life bearable and giving me the courage to live on, and be happy. It still isn’t easy at times, though at least the thought of negativity is reducing. Its good to know that I’m surrounded by people who loves me, and care for me. That to me, is an important aspect of my life.

I’ve also learned that I cannot please everyone, but the first person I can please is myself.

Ok. enough of my random rubbish. Time to sit down and start reading.

Nicole

In this month alone, I quit my job of two years and three months, bidding farewell to the IT industry that I was trained to work in since in the Polytechnic and University. But at the end of the day, I realized that this was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. In fact, I did not do very well in my degree, getting by with a series of C’s and D’s, and at one time, even failing a module. So what if I hold a Computer Science Degree? Its like what the rest would coin the term as, “toilet paper”.

It is a known fact that at least 85% of the people who entered their chosen degree course end up doing something else, and yours truly is now part of this percentage too. However, I do not regret the switch to my new career path. Why? The fact that I am so unhappy with my first job that I had to do something for myself, or risk a trip to the Institute of Mental Health (IMH). You could probably figure out how awful I felt, or never really understand. That’s alright. I’m learning to put the unhappy past behind me and move on.

I’ve also came to terms with myself, and it still is quite a journey, to realize something about myself every few days or so. I have not lost my temper that often as I used to in the past. And I am leading a much more satisfying and fruitful life than before. Perhaps, this is a fitting ending before the beginnings of age 26.

Whilst penning this post, I’m 2 days shy turning 26. It may be well be a turning point of my life. My counselor is right. I’ve to find something what I like to do and be happy doing it. It does helps me get through the low points of working more easily, and having a cheery office helps, with all that bright colors and an awesome smack in the city center location, I really can’t ask for more. The road ahead will not be smooth, but I am more prepared than I was a few years ago.

Nicole

its no mystery to what has happened, just that the severity was quite unexpected. but i hope it will be a thing of the past soon… and so, this post will mark the start of a proper recovery.

as i slowly get back to writing gradually, i will also take time to indulge in more things that i want to do. its a good way to destress i reckon.

nicole

Bought them from SHUP(G), and I pretty much fell for most of their accessories, as they feature quirky and fun looking stuff into necklaces, bracelets, brooches.

Do check them out! Of course, the accessory in this photo isn’t for myself, its for the sister…

And this beauty was made possible thanks to the customization that Dawne from Earring Addict made for me.

By now, you would have realize that I love camera shaped pendants, and this addition is no surprise.

Nicole

Nonetheless, its been quite an adventure of sorts for me, apart from the on going hulabalu…if you know what I mean. I could probably declare that the worst is over, or maybe not. In any case, it won’t be very nice to jinx my chances.

I’m glad that the week is almost over and looking forward to spend time in the outdoors. Its good to be able to bask in the lovely sunshine, amongst the call of insects, lush trees and priceless company. Blissful eh?

Truth be told, I don’t know how many enjoy reading my daily muses on my blog, but I will still write them anyway, apart from other content found here as well.

May you have a great weekend ahead, and excuse me while I disconnect to connect once more.

Nicole

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

These days, I’m filtering the information as fast as I see them. If there is something I would like to read, I would book mark it or simply add a favorite to my twitter. Its easier that way to backtrack and read it in pockets of spare time.

However, when I disconnect myself from the Internet, it becomes all too clear that majority of the chaos are removed, leaving me more time to sort myself out, enjoying connecting with people that matter.

And in a nutshell, I do start to feel better, at the very least, preventing myself from sliding further down depression.

I wouldn’t dare say that I’ve completely walked out of it, though I am making progress at preventing it from recurring in the future. Its for myself, and I’m gonna be darn proud of it when I walk out of this darkness.

Well, if anyone of you are looking for me, you know of ways to reach me, apart from social networks. (I will still check my social networks from time to time, but won’t be updating too frequently).

Alright, this wraps up my little update and off I am to prepare photographs for uploading.

Nicole

Lyrics after the jump!

This song has been on my repeat playlist for 2 days in a row. I don’t know if its the infectious rhythm that got me hooked to it, or that I simply love the energy and vibe from the music video. Which ever it is, as long as it puts me in groovy mood, it’s awesome!

Lyrics: (taken from DirectLyrics)
J-LO!

It’s a new generation
Of party people

Darling get on the floor
Darling get on the floor

Let me introduce you to my party people
In the club…

[Pitbull]
I’m loose
And everybody knows I get off the train
Baby it’s the truth
I’m like inception I play with your brain
So I don’t sleep I snooze
I don’t play no games so don’t get it confused no
Cos you will lose yeah
Now pump it up
And back it up like a Tonka truck

[Jennifer Lopez]
If you go hard you gotta get on the floor
If you’re a party freak then step on the floor
If your an animal then tear up the floor
Break a sweat on the floor
Yeah we work on the floor
Don’t stop keep it moving
Put your drinks up
Pick your body up and drop it on the floor
Let the rhythm change your world on the floor
You know we’re running sh*t tonight on the floor
Brazil Morocco
London to Ibiza
Straight to LA, New York
Vegas to Africa

[Chorus]
Dance the night away
Live your life ,and stay young on the floor
Dance the night away
Grab somebody drink a little more
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala
Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala
Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor

[Verse 2]
I know you got it clap your hands on the floor
And keep on rockin’, rock it up on the floor
If you’re a criminal kill it on the floor
Steal it quick on the floor, on the floor
Don’t stop keep it moving
Put your drinks up
Its getting ill it’s getting sick on the floor
We never quit, we never rest on the floor
If I ain’t wrong we’ll probably die on the floor
Brazil Morocco
London to Ibiza
Straight to LA, New York
Vegas to Africa

[Chorus]
Dance the night away
Live your life, and stay young on the floor
Dance the night way
Grab somebody drink a little more
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala
Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala
Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor

[Pibull]
That badonka donk is like a trunk full of bass on an old school Chevy
All I need is some vodka and some… coke
And watch… get donkey konged
… if you’re ready for things to get heavy
I get on the floor and act a fool if you let me
Don’t believe me just vet me
My name ain’t Keath but I see why you Sweat me
L.A. Miami New York
Say no more get on the floor

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala
Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala
Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala
Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor

The weekends came and went… marking the end of one week and the start of another. What seems mundane of just 2 rest days amidst 5 hard grinding days of work is marked with sheer emotions from an end of a spectrum to the other. It’s as if the raging hormones (for a lack of a better word) never cease to work its wonders.

I also learnt new things about myself, its scary yet liberating at the same time, perhaps there is more I must do for myself. In the meantime, life goes on as per normal as it always does, and may it pave a route for recovery.

Nicole

I’m glad to put the troubled month of February behind me. Triple whammy of sorts hit me, severely throwing me off balance.

Took a while to find my two feet and get back on. Making plans is not easy, but execution won’t be easy either. Either way, I’ve bitten the bullet.

I shall not elaborate too much at this point, lest its jinxed by unwanted factors.

Would much rather focus on healing one step at a time and be a happier, stronger person.

I may have been killed, but I am clawing my way up bit by biy.

Nicole

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.